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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29519508">Cops and Robbers</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/namujinu/pseuds/namujinu'>namujinu</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Hip Hop RPF, Juice WRLD - Fandom, Lil Pump (Musician) RPF, Lil Uzi Vert - Fandom, Music RPF, Playboi Carti, Trippie Redd - Fandom, XXXTentacion (Musician) RPF, ski mask the slump god - Fandom, smokepurpp</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV) Fusion, Bisexual Male Character, Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV) References, Everyone Is Gay, Inspired by Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV), LGBTQ Character, M/M, Multi, rappers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 16:42:02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,624</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29519508</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/namujinu/pseuds/namujinu</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>IN WHICH, Soundcloud rappers work at the NYPD's 99th precinct.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Lil Pump | Gazzy Garcia/Smokepurpp | Omar Piñeiro, Lil Uzi Vert | Symere Woods/Playboi Carti | Jordan Carter, Ski Mask The Slump God | Stokeley Goulbourne/XXXTentacion | Jahseh Onfro, Trippie Redd | Michael White/Juice WRLD | Jarad Higgins</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Trailer</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <iframe></iframe>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Pilot</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jordan was on the train, waiting for his stop at the 99th precinct located in Brooklyn. He's heard of what's been happening at this precinct and how out of control it was under their previous captain; he believed that he would be able to turn it around. It shouldn't be that hard right?</p>
<p>---</p>
<h4>9:08 am <br/>99th Precinct</h4>
<p>"Y'all heard bout that new captain we got comin' in?" Jahseh asked excitedly.</p>
<p>"Onfroy we know, you been talkin' about him ever since we got here." Stokeley scoffed at the blue-dreadhead detective who sat across from him as he was working on his case.</p>
<p>"I bet he's hot!" Gazzy gushed from his desk as he was applying lip gloss, using his phone as a mirror. "I swear if he comes in lookin' like Piñeiro's pugly ass."</p>
<p>"Hey why you already coming for me?" Omar threw up his hands because he literally did nothing to warrant this slander this early into their shifts.</p>
<p>"Because."</p>
<p>"Because?"</p>
<p>"Oh that was already my reason."</p>
<p>"I-"</p>
<p>"must be nice to be hot..." Jarad sulked at his computer.</p>
<p>"Higgins, I will fucking kill you if you say 'must be nice' again." Michael threatened the sulking detective while not even making any eye contact with him, only paying attention to his screen.</p>
<p>"White we're in a police station." Jahseh told him. "Besides, we'll throw you in the holding cell before you try some shit."</p>
<p>"You think I care?"</p>
<p>"damn he's so fucking hot when he's mad." Jarad said under his breath. He had a huge crush on Michael, the detective with dainty red streaks at the front, contrasting with his black dreads.</p>
<p>"What was that?"</p>
<p>"u-um nothing!"</p>
<p>"Yeah that's right. Stay quiet lil bitch." Michael spat at Jarad. Usually someone would be intimidated but not Jarad. He was lowkey getting hard from Michael's anger.</p>
<p>"Mane, Imma miss our old captain." Stokeley lamented.</p>
<p>"Why? That bitch was horrible." Jahseh inquired his desk buddy.</p>
<p>"He was a fun guy! And Ian talkin' mushrooms."</p>
<p>"Stoke, he was such a pushover."</p>
<p>---</p>
<h4>
  <span class="u">LAST WEEK</span>
</h4>
<p>
  <em>"The final two contestants of the Glizzy Gladiator Contest are Michael and Stokeley! Who will be crowned as the Glizzy Gladiator of Precinct Nine-Nine?" Omar commentated as everyone else in the precinct cheered.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"You finna get out-glizzied." Stokeley challenged the other.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"Oh we'll see bout dat, you just a Glizzy Guzzler." Michael spat back.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"Are both contestants ready?" Michael and Stokeley nodded to Omar. " Alright, Garcia bring in the Giga Glizzys!"</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Gazzy walked in the room with two plates each with extremely girthy glizzys for both Michael and Stokeley. "Y'all better eat all dis cuz I got no sleep last night makin' these."</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"Start gobbling in... Three! Two! One!" Omar counted down as he started the stopwatch on his phone. Both contestants deep-throated their glizzys at 'one' and everyone started going crazy.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"What is happening here?!" Captain Graham walked out of his office with a butter tart in his hand. Everyone went silent and Michael and Stokeley stopped gobbling as everyone turned to their captain.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"Grishy Contesht to shee whosh da Grishy Gradiator of Preshinct Nine-Nine?" Stokeley replied with a glizzy still in his mouth.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"Oh. Okay." Captain Graham went back into his office.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The contest then resumed as if their captain didn't just walk in on them.</em>
</p>
<p>---</p>
<p>"Yup and now I'm the precinct's certified Glizzy Gladiator." Stokeley marveled at his achievement and smiled.</p>
<p>"Oh my god shut up about that already!" Michael grumbled.</p>
<p>"Awww looks like someone's still a sore loooooooser. Wah wahhhh." Stokeley teased the other who got given the Glizzy Guzzler title at the contest. Next thing he knew a stapler was flying at his face.</p>
<p>"OW WHAT THE FUCK BRUH!" Stokeley held his forehead in pain where the stapler had hit him.</p>
<p>"Damn I was hoping you got stapled and bled and died." Michael sighed in disappointment and pouted.</p>
<p>"You're weird..."</p>
<p>"Look- guys let's try to NOT drive away the new captain with your usual antics. I expect all of y'all to behave today." Omar, aka Sergeant Piñeiro, pointed at everyone in the precinct. "'Specially over here." He motioned to the area with Stokeley, Jahseh, Michael, and Jarad.</p>
<p>"Wha- we behave!" Stokeley complained.</p>
<p>"Well, Higgins and Onfroy behave most of the time but over here is where y'all act out the most." Omar looked at Michael and Stokeley, implying they were the ones he was talking about.</p>
<p>"Ion act out whatchu mean?" Michael asked.</p>
<p>"Remember when your computer was being slow?"</p>
<p>---</p>
<h4>
  <span class="u">TWO MONTHS AGO</span>
</h4>
<p>
  <em>"LOAD UP MICROSOFT WORD HOE!" Michael smacked his monitor in frustration. He was running behind on a report and today is when his computer decided to act up.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"Mikey just give it ti-" Jarad tried to tell him only to get cut off. Michael abruptly stood up and ripped off the monitor from his desk. He threw it on the ground and stomped on it like he was Mario and the monitor was a Goomba.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>His monitor was now beyond repair and Michael picked the remains and threw them at the elevator. At the same time, an exhausted Omar walked through the elevator doors with a Starbucks Latte in hand. The destroyed monitor knocked the hot latte out of Omar's hand and onto his clothes.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"AAAAAAHHH HOT ITS HOT!" Omar screamed.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"oh my god! sorry sarge!" Jarad ran over to Omar to help him out.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"I'll pay for your coffee Sarge." Michael told Omar but walked away. Meanwhile Gazzy was filming the whole thing, cackling to himself.</em>
</p>
<p>---</p>
<p>"You still haven't paid for my latte, Detective White."</p>
<p>"Oh yeah, here ya go." Michael pulled out his wallet and threw the coffee money, hitting Omar in the face.</p>
<p>"The disrespect-" Omar huffed while picking up the money and pocketing it.</p>
<p>"What about Garcia? He acts out just as much as we do." Stokeley brought up to Omar.</p>
<p>"Cuz he looooooooves me!" Gazzy giggled while scrolling through his TikTok for you page.</p>
<p>"Oh yeah I just forgot to mention him. Also, Gazzy I got a whole family."</p>
<p>"With that thot you married- what's her name, Noen Sirius?"</p>
<p>"Noah Cyrus..." Omar corrected him.</p>
<p>"Yeah yeah, Noah. Let's see how long that lasts."</p>
<p>"See, okay this my problem with you. You messy and for what?"</p>
<p>"I'm not messy." Gazzy objected.</p>
<p>"Really now."</p>
<p>---</p>
<h4>
  <span class="u">A MONTH AGO</span>
</h4>
<p>
  <em>"Hey Jah look!" Gazzy grabbed Jahseh's arm as he was walking by.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"What is it?"</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"Okay so I follow Jarad's girlfriend on Instagram and I'm on her Close Friends and..." Gazzy showed Jahseh his phone screen which was just a black screen with text.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> <strong>Finally broke up with Jarad's depressed ass<br/>That tubby bitch was NEVER happy and<br/>too depressed to pipe.<br/>Not like the sex was any better he would ALWAYS CRY AFTER 😒<br/>Anyways go subscribe to my OnlyFans link in bio 💞</strong> </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"Damn-" Jahseh started laughing and covered his mouth to muffle it. Gazzy, on the contrary, burst out laughing and kept slapping his desk.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"It's the crying after sex and the OnlyFans link for me." Gazzy joked which caused Jahseh to let it all out.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"guys..." a familiar depressed voice spoke behind them, making them turn around.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"Oh." Jahseh and Gazzy said in unison.</em>
</p>
<p>---</p>
<p>"Can't believe y'all really did my brother dirty." Stokeley shook his head.</p>
<p>"Wait you and Jarad are brothers?" Jahseh asked.</p>
<p>"He's technically my half-brother."</p>
<p>"yeah, we got different dads but the same mom." Jarad agreed.</p>
<p>"Huh, now that I think about it y'all do look alike." Michael squinted his eyes at Jarad and Stokeley and smirked.</p>
<p>"How're y'all just getting this now? We've been working together for like forever."</p>
<p>"Woah woah woah hold on, we bringin' up old shit now." Gazzy held his hands up.</p>
<p>"Still applies to right now, Garcia!" Omar barked as he headed for the break room to get some coffee.</p>
<p>"Anyways when's the new captain getting here?" Jahseh sighed while spinning around on his office chair.</p>
<p>"Relax it's only been an hour since our shifts started. His train prolly got delayed or he ran into a crackhead. Did you forget about our bet?"</p>
<p>"Bitch you know I'm not forgetting that." Jahseh chuckled. " I'm on 45 arrests, vro."</p>
<p>"And I'm on 46."</p>
<p>"What?! How? I've been takin' cases left n right!"</p>
<p>"Um so have I, and at this rate the Must Mobile will stay alive and you'll be riding in it with me on our lil 'date'." Stokeley laughed at Jah's expense.</p>
<p>"Oh god not the Must Mobile..." Jahseh shuddered. The Must Mobile was what Stokeley called his car because of how musty it is, inside and out. Like car, like owner. "I just hope this new captain is actually good." he said changing the subject.</p>
<p>"Naw he won't."</p>
<p>"How would you know?"</p>
<p>"The new guy's prolly boring as hell, built like a beanpole, and looks like someone just shit on his..."</p>
<p>Jahseh chuckled until he looked behind Stokeley to see their new captain towering over him. His eyes widened and made a cutting motion with his hand near his mouth to Stokeley who caught on.</p>
<p>'Oh he's behind me isn't he?' he mouthed to Jahseh who nodded. Stokeley slowly turned around in his chair to see the new captain standing over him. "Oh hey I didn't see you there. You the new captain?" Stokeley looked up at the captain and smiled as if he wasn't just talking shit.</p>
<p>"I am. But what were you saying about me? I don't think I got all of it."</p>
<p>"Uh I don't think that's important right now, sir-"</p>
<p>"Why don't you stand up and tell everybody what you were saying?" the captain's voice was monotone but still carried a sense of authority which made Stokeley obey and stand up. Everyone's eyes were on him now making him feel like he was back in school presenting a project. He couldn't complain though since he put himself in this mess.</p>
<p>"I said that you prolly boring as hell, built like a beanpole, and look like someone just shit on your face..."</p>
<p>Stokeley had to raise his head to look the captain in the eyes due to the height difference. While looking at his face he saw that he had a birthmark on his cheek that really did look like a shit stain. Realizing that his descriptions were spot on, he started to giggle.</p>
<p>"Why're you laughing nothing's funny." the captain bluntly asked the detective which got him to shut up real quick. "What's your name?"</p>
<p>"Stokeley Goulbourne, sir."</p>
<p>"Well Goulbourne, why aren't you wearing appropriate work attire?" the captain pointed at Stokeley's clothes which was his Snorlax onesie.</p>
<p>"The last captain let us wear whatever we want."</p>
<p>"I see." The captain turned away and walked toward the front and faced everyone.</p>
<p>"Hello everyone. I'm Captain Carter and I'll be your new captain at this precinct from here on out. And as captain, it is required you wear proper attire to work." Jordan eyed Stokeley who sighed heavily at being called out like this. "Now everyone, get back to work." All of the people in the precinct followed the captain's command and Jordan went up to Gazzy's desk to ask a question.</p>
<p>"Excuse me, do you know where the Sergeant is?"</p>
<p>"He's getting coffee right now, sir." Gazzy smiled to himself, glad to see that their new captain was fine as fuck and didn't look like the Sergeant.</p>
<p>"Can you go get him and tell him to go in my office? That would be very appreciated."</p>
<p>"Of course." Gazzy got up from his desk and headed toward the break room to fetch Omar. Once he got there he saw Omar making multiple sandwiches on the sandwich maker.</p>
<p>"Pugmar, you said you was just getting coffee. Why you making sandwiches?"</p>
<p>"My wife likes these sandwiches for some reason even though they taste like ass. I swear, she don't got taste."</p>
<p>"she really doesn't if she chose to marry you." Gazzy muttered.</p>
<p>"What was that?"</p>
<p>"Huh? Anyways the captain wants you in his office."</p>
<p>"Why?"</p>
<p>"Ion know he didn't tell me. Also he's really HOT. Like A$AP Rocky level of fine! I think he has a gay vibe to him but I could be wrong." Gazzy starting fawning over the new captain.</p>
<p>"Ion see all the hype behind Rocky though if I'm being honest. But why're you telling me you find the new captain hot? I really don't care."</p>
<p>"Sé que en algún lugar en el fondo, eso realmente te molesta." Gazzy whispered in his ear which confused Omar. Why would he be bothered by that? "Anyways hurry up! The captain wants you."</p>
<p>Omar put all the sandwiches for his wife into a plastic bag and carried his coffee with his other hand, following Gazzy to the captain. He dropped off the food on his desk and entered the office.</p>
<p>"You called for me, sir?"</p>
<p>"Correct. You're the Sergeant?" Jordan was inspecting the shelves in his office before turning around to greet the precinct's sergeant.</p>
<p>"Sergeant Piñeiro. And you're Captain..."</p>
<p>"Carter."</p>
<p>"Nice to meet you, Captain Carter." Omar shook hands with Jordan and took a seat on the guest chair. "So why did you call me here?"</p>
<p>"Tell me how the workers at the precinct are, more specifically your squad. This is my first day after all."</p>
<p>"Oh r-really?"</p>
<p>"Yeah, why don't you start with that Goulbourne kid?" Jordan pointed out of the window in his office.</p>
<p>Stokeley was balancing a plastic water bottle on his forehead while Jarad aiming a paper ball. He threw it and hit the bottle. Both of them cheered and chest-bumped, resulting in Jarad falling and Michael laughing at him.</p>
<p>"Stokeley Goulbourne's good detective he just..." Omar paused to think of the right wording. "Needs to learn how to act like one. And that's his brother, well his half-brother, Jarad Higgins. He spends most of his time crying about his love-life or fawning over Michael. But he gets work done."</p>
<p>"Who's Michael?"</p>
<p>"Michael White. He's got major anger issues and I've recommended him therapy but he didn't change. Sometimes when he's really pissed off, he goes on a rampage and it's near impossible to stop him-"</p>
<p>Omar was cut off by a loud bang and angry screams he knew belonged to Michael. "...Like right now- Permission to attempt to stop him?"</p>
<p>" I-Uh, Yes you may." Jordan excused Omar and he rushed out of the office.</p>
<p>"LET GO OF ME JAHSEH!" Michael screeched in rage.</p>
<p>"Why did you throw a printer at the perp?!" Jahseh frantically asked the enraged detective.</p>
<p>"CUZ HE CALLED ME CHUCKY IN THE FACE AND LIZARD IN THE LIPS! NOW! LET! GO!" Michael broke free of Jahseh's grasp and started curb-stomping the poor guy who was already immobilized from getting hit with a whole printer. But before Michael could deal real damage to the perp, Omar tackled him and handcuffed Michael.</p>
<p>"Back in the holding cell for you, White."</p>
<p>"UNHANDCUFF ME PUGMAR YOU FINNA REGRET THIS!"</p>
<p>"I think I'd regret not putting you back in the holding cell than this."</p>
<p>Jarad watched the whole thing and had a whole boner. He tried to hid with one hand and used his other to finish writing up his report on a robbery case. Gazzy filmed the whole altercation on Snapchat and put it on his Private Story: 𝐏𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐭 𝐓𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐳 ✨🚨</p>
<p>The guards of the holding cell unlocked the cell and Omar dropped off Michael before heading back to the captain's office. Michael sighed. He was just in the cell yesterday for almost throwing Metri's twig-built ass out the window for giving him Cool-Ranch Doritos instead of Nacho Cheese like he said. Now he's having a week-long trip to the Bahamas to recover from that trauma.</p>
<p>"What're y'all lookin' at?" Michael was facing the wall but he could tell the other arrested people in the cell were staring holes in him. But the feeling didn't stop.</p>
<p>"I said...WHAT'RE Y'ALL LOOKIN' AT?!" he shouted and immediately felt the sensation of eyes fade away. He knew what they were thinking. 'Wow a cop getting arrested? That's so weird!' He got tired of that shit. They know that cops can get arrested, right? Cops can do horrible shit too.</p>
<p>"Sorry about that Captain, I had to take care of that real quick." Omar apologized as he sat back down. "Where was I?"</p>
<p>"Does that usually happen with him?" Jordan inquired. Jordan couldn't understand why Jarad would be attracted to Michael; but hey, to each their own.</p>
<p>"Unfortunately. And we have to keep him in the holding cell for a few hours until he calms down. But he's really smart and good at what he does, his anger just overshadows that."</p>
<p>"Hmm, I see."</p>
<p>"Believe it or not, Jahseh was Michael before Michael even got here! Thank god he had an awakening and became one of the nicest people in the precinct. I don't know what I'd do with two madmen runnin' around." Omar sighed in relief.</p>
<p>"You're talking about Mr. Onfroy?"</p>
<p>"Yeah, him. He has a lil beef with Goulbourne going on right now."</p>
<p>"What type of beef?" Jordan interlaced his hands and raised his brow.</p>
<p>"I think a better word for it is a bet. Both of them are competing to see who can get more arrests in a year."</p>
<p>---</p>
<h4>
  <span class="u">LAST YEAR</span>
</h4>
<p>
  <em>"Oh PULEASE Goulbourne, you can't get more arrests than me in a year." Jahseh challenged Stokeley.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"I bet I can. And if I do, you gotta go onna date with me and we driving in the Must Mobile to the destation that I plan out!" Stokeley smugly proposed.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"That's kinda gay."</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"Calm down, we going on a date as friends."</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"Whatever. If I get more arrests, I get to destroy the Must Mobile. The world would be a better place without it." Jahseh proposed for his side.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"Aight bet, Onfroy." Stokeley held out his hand for a handshake and Jahseh returned with an extremeley tight grip. "Why you holdin' my hand so hard?"</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"I took Master Classes for it."</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"There are Master Classes for hand-shaking?"</em>
</p>
<p>---</p>
<p>"What kind of odds are those?"</p>
<p>"I really don't know either. But the number of arrests in this precinct have skyrocketed so there ain't really any room for complaints."</p>
<p>"And, uh, who's that? I spoke with him earlier but I didn't get his name." Jordan pointed over to Gazzy who was in the middle of filming a tiktok. His outfit was a Strawberry Milk shirt with a pink plaid skirt. Because of his constant use of the app, his outfits took inspiration of other Tiktokers he's seen.</p>
<p>"Oh that's Gazzy Garcia, he's the civilian administrator at the precinct. Whenever he's finished with his workload he uh...films Tiktoks."</p>
<p>"It seems he needs more work to do around here."</p>
<p>"What're you gonna do?"</p>
<p>"Make him my assistant but I'll give him a few weeks to see if he's fit for the jo-" Jordan was interrupted by his phone ringing. He checked the Caller ID and saw "Sy 💜".</p>
<p>"Can you step out for a moment? My husband's calling me."</p>
<p>"Yes, sir." Omar exited the office but the words of the captain stuck in his head.</p>

<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em> My <strong>husband's</strong> calling me.</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>Then he remembered what Gazzy said to him before he entered the office.</p>

<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>I think he has <strong>a gay vibe</strong> to him but I could be wrong.</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>Holy shit the captain's gay.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Work and Policing</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h4>10:01 am <br/>99th Precinct</h4><p>"I can't believe you were right." Omar walked toward Gazzy's desk and leaned on it.</p><p>"About what?"</p><p>"Y'know about the captain being gay." He reminded Gazzy.</p><p>"Yesssss I fuckin' knew it dude! I gotta tweet this." Gazzy pulled out his phone but before he was able to open the bird app and compose his tweet, Omar snatched the phone out of his hands. "Hey!"</p><p>"Um how about you don't do that and get back to work?"</p><p>"I will if you give me back my phone."</p><p>"Nah this is distracting you." Gazzy stood up and tried to grab it but Omar just raised it over his head, way out of reach for the shorter.</p><p>"Okay now this is heightist!"</p><p>"Does that even exist- Okay you can use your phone as much as you want after our shifts, right now you gotta do your work Garcia."</p><p>Gazzy plopped down on his chair having nothing to do. He would use the desk computer to log onto Twitter if he could. But the precinct restricted social media websites from all the computers so he no choice but to do work. While Omar was waiting for the captain to let him back in the office, he decided to take a peep at his co-worker's phone to see what he's been tweeting.</p><p>When he opened the app, he saw a timeline full of just Gazzy talking shit and his followers akekeing in the replies. Curious, Omar opened Gazzy's profile and saw his pinned tweet. It said:</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <h4>Precinct Tingz &lt;3 <br/>IN WHICH I talk shit about my coworkers ( ˶ˆ꒳ˆ˵ )</h4>
</blockquote><p>'So this is what he's doing during work?' Omar thought as he skimmed through twitter threads separated by year, 2017-2020. 'How come no one else talks about these tweets?'</p><p>Then he realized, Gazzy has most likely had everyone from work blocked from his Twitter. Omar went to his Twitter account from Gazzy's account and pressed 'unblock' so he can see it in his free time.</p><p>---</p><p>"Hey Sy. Why're you calling me?" Jordan answered the call from his husband and put his phone to his ear.</p><p>"I just wanted to see how your first day as captain's going! I know how much you wanted this job, Jordy." Jordan's husband, Symere, answered from the other end.</p><p>"Well, it's been pretty bizarre so far. One of the detectives had to get thrown in the holding cell because he assaulted a criminal for insulting his facial features."</p><p>"Oh my, are you okay?" Symere asked, worried for his husband.</p><p>"Yes, the Sergeant took care of it pretty quickly. He tells me it's a normal occurrence here."</p><p>"Be careful Jordy. This job's really dangerous, especially if you consider your sexuality."</p><p>"Don't worry for me dear, I highly doubt anyone here is homophobic enough to try to hurt me. It's 2020, who's still homophobic in 2020?" Jordan reassured his husband.</p><p>"Well if you say so...It might be best for you get back to work now. I love you, Jordan."</p><p>"I love you too, Symere." And with that their brief call ended. Jordan stood up and walked out into the bullpen, the office area of the precinct, to get the Sergeant back into his office.</p><p>"Alright you can come back into my office, Sergeant Piñeiro." Jordan walked up to Omar's desk. The sergeant quickly opened his desk drawer and dropped a soft pink phone inside before quickly standing up and following Jordan.</p><p>"What did you drop into your drawer desk?" He asked raising his eyebrow.</p><p>"Huh? What? I didn't drop anything in my desk. Anyway we should get to your office." Omar quickly dismissed Jordan before entering the office. The two took their seats and picked up where they left off.</p><p>"Alright where were we...oh yeah. I'm going to give Gazzy a few weeks to see if he can handle being my assistant. That's where you're going to help me." Jordan pointed at Omar.</p><p>"Me? What do I do?"</p><p>"You seem close to him so your task from me is to facilitate him and make sure he doesn't distract himself by...filming tiktoks." Jordan proposed.</p><p>"Oh that doesn't seem too hard. You can count on me."</p><p>"I'm glad I can. Also I heard from the old captain that you're on administrative leave. What's that about?"</p><p>"Oh uh." Omar gulped. "It's nothing, captain." he nervously laughed.</p><p>"You're looking a bit pale Piñeiro, is something wrong?"</p><p>"Actually, my wife and I had kids last year. Omarsito and Clara," he pulled up a picture of a baby boy and girl on his phone and showed Jordan.</p><p>"Wow, they are very adorable. Both of these infants' eyes are so wide with curiosity and innocence. Society will rip their souls apart." Jordan said straight-faced glancing at the babies before looking back at Omar who had a horrified expression strewn across his face.</p><p>"Why would you say that- Um back to what I was saying, ever since I had the kids I'm scared of get hurt on the field. There was an incident in Party City a while ago..."</p><p>---</p><h4>
  <span class="u">5 MONTHS AGO</span>
</h4><p>
  <em>"Sarge are you okay?" Stokeley, with his gun drawn, asked his superior who seemed out of it. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Who me? OF COURSE I'm okay. In fact, I'm very very very swell right now!" Omar chuckled as he was sweating bulletswith widened eyes. Actually, Omar was not very very very swell right now. Him and Stokeley were currently chasing a criminal that had escaped into a nearby Party City. Both of them were hiding behind cover and stayed silent. That was until Omar heard rustling from the other side and immediately panicked.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Omar screamed as he unloaded his whole magazine throughout the store. Some of the bullets ended up hitting a piñata and the candy inside fell to the ground.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Oooh free candy." Stokeley approached the pile of floor candy and picked some of it up before returning to his cover.</em>
</p><p>---</p><p>"Yeah and now I have a therapist I go to every Thursday." Omar admitted putting his face in his hands out of embarrassment.</p><p>"Well, I appreciate you being open with me but you know that you can't stay here doing desk work forever. At some point you're going to have to get back out there-." As Jordan was lowkey lecturing Omar, "WAP" by Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion started blasting outside of the office. "What is happening out there?" Jordan suddenly stood up and burst out into the bullpen with Omar following him to see most of his squad doing the WAP dance and Gazzy filming them and laughing, the only exception being Jarad crying at his desk.</p><p>"i thought i was the only one that knew she had a wap! i didn't know she showed it on her onlyfans!" Jarad screeched before bursting into more tears, being reminded of his ex.</p><p>"WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING HERE?!" Jordan bellowed making all the officers stop what they were doing and for Gazzy to stop the music coming from his Beats Pill.</p><p>"Hold on Gazzy how did you get your phone back?" Omar asked since he was pretty sure he took it. "And Michael, how did you get out of the holding cell?"</p><p>"I took it from your desk." Gazzy beamed.</p><p>"Hey that's an invasion of my privacy! You didn't see anything did you?" Omar shyly asked, pointing his index fingers to each other.</p><p>"Other than all your BTS photocards, your Kpop Journal, and Tata plushie that you said was for Omarsito, I didn't see anything."</p><p>"Bitch you just exposed me-."</p><p>"Both of you, stop talking." Jordan sternly commanded. "Stokeley, Jahseh, Michael. What the hell were you doing?"</p><p>"I-uhhhhhh. It was Jah's idea!" Stokeley shifted the blame.</p><p>"Nuh-uh it was all YOUR idea Stokeley. You wanted to see who in the Nine-Nine can do the WAP dance the best!" Jahseh told the truth to the captain who was already done with their shit.</p><p>"To be honest, I didn't wanna see Jarad cry in front of me for the rest of my shift. If it had been a minute longer, I would've castrated him." Michael told his truth as if this is what he thought on a daily basis. "Also I just simply opened the holding cell door cuz I'm built different."</p><p>"You threatened one of the officers didn't you?" Omar asked, not surprised but just disappointed.</p><p>"Haha yeah."</p><p>"What would you even castrate him with?" Jordan tilted his head in confusion.</p><p>"With this." Michael pulled out a machete from somewhere on his person, showing it off.</p><p>"Woah calm down Michael Myers, don't pull out the nine." Gazzy's quipped.</p><p>"holy shit you're fucking crazy 'not that i'm complaining or anything...'" Jarad whispered to himself.</p><p>"DID YOU JUST CALL ME CRAZY?!?!?!? I'M NOT CRAZY IF ANYTHING ALL OF YOUUUUUUUUUUUUU ARE CRAZY-!!!" Michael started pointing the machete at everyone before getting tazed unconscious by Gazzy with his pink tazer.</p><p>"I think I deserve thanks from all of you. If I didn't taze him, someone would've most likely died." The precinct remained silent which didn't please him. "Oh my god. Repeat after me: "Thank you, Gazzy!" There were a bunch of groans before "Thank you, Gazzy!"'s filled the bullpen and overlapped each other which managed to please the boy. "See? That wasn't so hard!"</p><p>"Everyone get back to your desks and get back to work. Sergeant Piñeiro, I still need to talk to you and then I'll dismiss you." Jordan ordered and went back into his office letting out a heavy sigh while rubbing his forehead. Clearly he had underestimated how bad the 99th Precinct is.</p><p>"Well er...that's the Nine-Nine for you." Omar huffed. "We've been under our last captain for so long that this is what we have come to."</p><p>"Yes yes so I have now seen." Jordan rubbed his temples before fixing his posture and looked up to the Sergeant. "Do you know how important this precinct is to me, Piñeiro?"</p><p>"...very important?"</p><p>"You're right, this precinct is extremely important to me. I've been yearning to make this precinct the best one in Brooklyn since the early 2010's. And you're gonna help me." Jordan peeked through the blinds and eyed the Snorlax-onesie-clad detective. "Let's start with him."</p><p>---</p><h4>
  <span class="u">THE NEXT DAY</span>
</h4><h4>8:35 am<br/>99th Precinct</h4><p>Stokeley was disappointed that he couldn't wear his inflatable dinosaur costume like he'd wanted to until Captain Carter came along and enforced the rules on workplace attire. He got off the elevator on his floor and headed to his desk, his other coworkers already working on their cases.</p><p>"Goulbourne you're 5 minutes late." Omar raised his voice while keeping his eyes peeled on his computer.</p><p>"Oh bite me. I had to find some good clothes and a tie so I won't get called out by our captain again." Stokeley scoffed before sitting down on his desk. Jahseh looked up from his screen and was genuinely surprised on his coworker's fit today.</p><p>Stokeley wore his last durag because he didn't feel like washing his other 30, one for each day of the month, a Dior sweater vest over a button-up and a tie, loose-fit work pants, and retro Air Jordan 1s.</p><p>"So you do have good clothes. Why have you never dressed like this more often?"</p><p>"Because it was optional? I don't need to do unnecessary laundry so I can maintain a stable lifestyle. A horrible lifestlye is what makes life so much more exciting. Just like how the hardest difficulty is what make video games more fun." Stokeley smiled as he gave Jahseh his horrible explanation.</p><p>"Why do you do that to yourself? Surely you can afford basic necessities, you have a job."</p><p>"I have -$152 in my bank account."</p><p>"stoke just move in with me until you have a good amount of money. you know, just like when we was living with mom." Jarad chimed in, being very familiar with his brother's wack financial situation.</p><p>"Jarad, look, I love you but you were horrible to live with. Remember when Lily broke up with you in high school?"</p><p>---</p><h4>
  <span class="u">7 YEARS AGO</span>
</h4><p>
  <em>"was i not good enough?! i was doing everything youtube told me to do!" a teenage Jarad was screaming into his pillow, drenching his whole bed and himself just with his tears while "I Miss You" by blink-182 was blasting from his stereo on loop.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Stokeley who was sleeping in his own bed a few feet away used his pillow to muffle his brother's music and sobbing to no avail. Stokeley got close to no sleep whenever Jarad got like this.</em>
</p><p>---</p><p>"oh come on bruh, ion do that anymore. i've matured."</p><p>"Really now? When your ex broke up with you, you went on Instagram Live everyday and cried for 8 hours the whole month."</p><p>"ah you got me there." Jarad gave up the argument surprisingly quick.</p><p>"Ugh... What happened?" a disheveled Michael rubbed his neck and groaned as he stood up from the floor where he was tazed the day before. "Did y'all just leave me here?"</p><p>"Yeah we didn't know where you lived so we just left you here... Sorry Mikey." Jahseh apologized.</p><p>"Good. If any of y'all learned where I lived I woulda made one of you disappear. Not even my family knows where I live and I'd like to keep it that way." Michael reached for his back to feel for his machete but it wasn't there. "Where's my machete?"</p><p>"oh it's on your desk, i put it there when you got tazed." Jarad pointed to his coworker's desk and indeed, Michael's machete was there. He grabbed his machete and slipped under his shirt.</p><p>"Michael how do you just casually put a machete under your clothes?" Jahseh asked.</p><p>"Oh ion just have this. I got this, and this, and this, and especially this!" Michael pulled out a butterfly knife, a pump action shotgun, shurikens, and a glock from different areas of his body. "You know I gotta stay strapped at all times, better safe than dead."</p><p>"Ah that's why you feel weird when I hug you."</p><p>"Hey I got a new case for y'all." Omar dropped a few files on Stokeley's desk. "Issa homicide." Stokeley's eyes lit up when he heard what type of crime he'd be working on. There hadn't been any exciting cases this week so this was a much needed change of pace for him.</p><p>---</p><h4>
  <span class="u">NOON</span>
</h4><p>"Hey Goulbourne, any updates on the Wallace murder?" Omar asked Stokeley from the briefing room podium since Omar had assigned Stokeley a homicide case. The now appropriately dressed detective stood up and went up to the podium to give the squad a briefing of his case.</p><p>"Yessirrr! So earlier this morning Terry Wallace, who was an exotic fish exporter, was shot and killed in his own apartment. Body was found the janitor and during his interview, we came to the conclusion that he had a weird ass ball on his cheek." Stokeley changed the slide on the TV to show a picture of an elderly man with a lump the size of a basketball on his left cheek, the sight making everyone in the briefing room gag with disgust.</p><p>"Maybe it's an allergic reaction?" Jarad theorized.</p><p>"Jarad says it's an allergic reaction but I personally think it's a giant cyst." Stokeley threw his two cents in.</p><p>"What if it's a tumor? That's a possibility." Michael joined in as well.</p><p>"Can we just focus on the murder and not if the janitor has a tumor or an allergic reaction?" Omar massaged his forehead and temples to calm down the headache he was about to have from the detectives.</p><p>"Well the crime techs are currently at the scene and we're heading back when they're done." Jahseh reported.</p><p>"Okay y'all somehow managed to fuck up your first impressions with the new captain yesterday so y'all better not blow this case."</p><p>---</p><h4>2:24 p.m.<br/>Wallace's Apartment</h4><p>Stokeley, Jahseh, Michael, and Jarad were now at the crime scene with other officers inspecting every inch of the victim's apartment.</p><p>"So the perp busted through the window and over here we can assume both the perp and the victim had a lil kerfuffle from the bloody footprints and messed up coat hanger." Stokeley pointed out three bloody left footprints and the tipped over coat hanger.</p><p>"Shell casings found here in the kitchen area, he let out two shots. Pew pew." Jahseh made a gun gesture with his hand as he recounted the scenario.</p><p>"Wow wonderful work Detective Onfroy, you get a tie since it's now a requirement to wear one to solve crimes!" Stokeley mocked their new captain as he pulled out a tie from his pocket and tossed it to Jahseh who caught it.</p><p>"C'mon bruh lay off Captain Carter. You just salty that you actually gotta dress up for your job now." Jahseh called out Stokeley who only rolled his eyes in response. "You know what, I'm grateful for our new captain because he's gonna make our cesspool of a precinct much better and maybe make you clean up your act."</p><p>"Okay simp."</p><p>"Are you in middle school? Also that's not even how you use 'simp'."</p><p>"wait ain't that my tie?" Jarad looked up from his notepad that and saw his tie in Jahseh's hands.</p><p>"Yeah I snatched it from your desk before we left. Here have a tie." Stokeley threw his brother his tie back with Michael quietly chuckling at the interaction.</p><p>"Anyways what do you guys think of the new captain?" Jahseh asked the other two.</p><p>"he lowkey sounds like a robot whaddya think Mikey?"</p><p>"I think he's good. At least he's better than Captain Graham and actually gets people to listen to him."</p><p>"yeah yeah that's what i think too..."</p><p>"See Stoke the right way to use simp in a sentence would be: "Jarad is such a simp for Michael because he changed his opinion of the captain after hearing Michael's. in order to please him." Get it now?" Jah corrected his colleague from his incorrect usage of the word.</p><p>"Ooooh I get it now!"</p><p>"What're y'all talking about?" Michael walked up to Jahseh and Stokeley curious about their conversation.</p><p>"oh n-nothing they just jokin' bruh don't listen to them." Jarad overheard and swiftly downplayed what they were actually talking about so Michael wouldn't find out about Jarad's gigantic crush on him.</p><p>"Okay?" Michael furrowed his eyebrows, or lack thereof, and flipped over to the list of stolen items from the apartment since the killer also took some things before booking it. "Looks like our guy stole a laptop, some Pokemon trading cards and a Bladefin Basslet valued at- holy shit!" his eyes widened at what he was reading.</p><p>"what is it?"</p><p>"The killer took a fish worth 10K! That could prolly pay for an apartment's rent at Wall Street."</p><p>"Why would a fish be worth $10,000?"</p><p>"that's cuz you can only find it in the real deep in caribbean waters, collectors value it that high because of how difficult it is to catch the lil thing that deep, not to mention how rare they are as well."</p><p>"Why do you know that?" Stokeley asked.</p><p>"i went fishing in the caribbean during my college break year."</p><p>"That's where you were! You told everyone that you went to Wyoming to visit our Granmammy but when I called her she said that you were never there."</p><p>"yeah i just wanted to be by myself. you know, independence and self-reliance and all that."</p><p>"All right y'all let's contact Captain Carter and tell him we got a ten-tie sich."</p><p>"Speaking of ties, I'm glad you listened to me and wore a tie today Snorlax." a deep, monotone voice rumbled from behind Stokeley.</p><p>"'well great' Oh hey there captain! Welcome to the crime scene, what're you doing here?" Stokeley switched up and feigned a smile for Jordan.</p><p>"I'd like to monitor my detectives to make sure they aren't slacking on the job, unless you have a problem with that?" Stokeley shook his head. "Take Onfroy and knock on the neighbors doors. see if they heard anything."</p><p>"Door duty? But that'll waste time!"</p><p>"Higgins and White, check in with the coroner. All of you will report back to me in an hour." Jordan ignored Stokeley's complaints and continued giving out orders before making an exit.</p><p>"C'mon Pokeley just give him a chance." Jahseh put on hand on his fellow detective's shoulder.</p><p>"Don't call me that."</p>
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